i’m afraid of myself & everything i haven’t done

I’ve had writer’s block for a while now, about four months to be exact and today it hit me. I finally got the urge back to write–this post is a mix of a [somewhat] hard decision I had to make and difficult, yet courageous acts taken by someone I know.

I don’t know about most of you, but I have never been the type of person to settle. I become bored and need change in my life; there are times I find myself in this constant cycle of routine which leads me to feel dissatisfied–I have to start changing up things as insignificant as my route to work, school and back home. I’ll be honest, lately there’s been a lot of minor changes in my daily ‘routines.’ I also have some senioritis going on and keep imagining what these next few months are going to bring me…where will I work? where will I move? who will I be with? You can call me a day dreamer, that’s for sure, but I have all these expectations for myself, all these goals I have to accomplish and I never really put a time limit, but now I realize I have to and here’s why–

For the past year I’ve had two jobs and for the past six years I’ve been with a company that I haven’t always been happy at (let’s just say there’s some major burnout happening), but regardless that was my life and though I appreciate the opportunity and felt blessed to have that job as well as meeting some great people and creating even better friendships, it hasn’t been the best part of my life. It’s kind of like my past relationship, I let someone hold me back for six years of my life, but because I was comfortable and it was familiar, I stayed. I think a lot of us settle because we are afraid of change, afraid we might fail and have to crawl back with our tails in between our legs. I did this for six years with someone and I began to notice I was doing the same with this job. I wasn’t really trying to find anything new because I didn’t want to start all over and when I did find something new I was too scared to leave because of all these other reasons that didn’t make sense, so I was working there one day a week to hold on [just in case], but in case of what? I was going through all the same stages and steps as I did with my past relationship and it was unhealthy because we like to keep things that are bad for us in our life until we cannot take it anymore, it’s like an addiction, so I had to break my habit. After all these connections, conversations and contemplations, I FINALLY made a decision that was for ME–I put all my worries, fears and doubts aside and took that leap [I will NOT crawl back] but only move forward and I quit (obviously in a professional way), but I did it and I could not be more happy with the decision I made. The only way to accomplish your goals and live your dreams is to eliminate the negative, continue to make difficult decisions, and just jump.

Now this may seem like a small step, but it’s a stepping stone and stepping stones lead to progress and progress leads to accomplishments/goals.

So to those of you who think you’re stuck, or think you have ridiculous dreams, or no support, or whatever other reasons there may be—stop thinking about it, find one person who believes in you and supports you, even if that person is yourself and just go for it…there’s no other way to do it than to just do it!

“know some will say that life’s a bitch
well I’ma keep flirtin’…”

-A.J

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